My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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