i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
