Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My pussy is not your playground.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
