I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
