While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
