apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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