I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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