i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
