somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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