I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
