I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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