Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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