the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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