My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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