let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
