what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
