Can Purell be used as lube?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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