i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
