Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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