bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize
