Michael Bay diarrhea
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
