No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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