We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This house was built for laser tag.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
