This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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