i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
