It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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