idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
