I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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