real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
