I'm lost and stupid without you.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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