do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
