She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
