I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
