he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
