Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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