The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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