This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
