Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
