ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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