He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just want to make out with him forever
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
