i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
this just has baby written all over it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
