So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just saw a hot homeless man
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
