Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i drank out of a bidet.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
