I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
