Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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