Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
