He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
