he puts the penis in happiness.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
