im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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