your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
