Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
