I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
