I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
