Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I believe in your delicious
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
